1. If you don’t say anything, you won’t be called on to repeat it.
  2. If I had permitted my failures, or what seemed to me at the time a lack of success, to discourage me I cannot see any way in which I would ever have made progress.
  3. I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement.
  4. I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.
  5. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
  6. I have found it advisable not to give too much heed to what people say when I am trying to accomplish something of consequence. Invariably they proclaim it can’t be done. I deem that the very best time to make the effort.
  7. Heroism is not only in the man, but in the occasion.
  8. Four-fifths of all our troubles would disappear, if we would only sit down and keep still.
  9. Economy is the method by which we prepare today to afford the improvements of tomorrow.
  10. Duty is not collective; it is personal.
  11. Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.
  12. Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
  13. Civilization and profit go hand in hand.
  14. Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
  15. Any man who does not like dogs and want them about does not deserve to be in the White House.
  16. All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.
  17. After all, the chief business of the American people is business. They are profoundly concerned with producing, buying, selling, investing and prospering in the world.
  18. Advertising ministers to the spiritual side of trade. It is great power that has been entrusted to your keeping which charges you with the high responsibility of inspiring and ennobling the commercial world. It is all part of the greater work of the regeneration and redemption of mankind.
  19. Advertising is the life of trade.
  20. We do not need more intellectual power, we need more spiritual power. We do not need more of the things that are seen, we need more of the things that are unseen.
  21. Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
  22. Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable.
  23. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
  24. Who has fully realized that history is not contained in thick books but lives in our very blood?
  25. Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
  26. When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.
  27. We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect. The judgement of the intellect is only part of the truth.
  28. We shall probably get nearest to the truth if we think of the conscious and personal psyche as resting upon the broad basis of an inherited and universal psychic disposition which is as such unconscious, and that our personal psyche bears the same relation to the collective psyche as the individual to society.
  29. We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
  30. We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
  31. We are in a far better position to observe instincts in animals or in primitives than in ourselves. This is due to the fact that we have grown accustomed to scrutinizing our own actions and to seeking rational explanations for them.
  32. We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season of which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.
  33. Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a comprehensible darkness.
  34. Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
  35. There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.
  36. There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
  37. There is no birth of consciousness without pain.
  38. The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
  39. The word ‘belief’ is a difficult thing for me. I don’t believe. I must have a reason for a certain hypothesis. Either I know a thing, and then I know it – I don’t need to believe it.
  40. The wine of youth does not always clear with advancing years; sometimes it grows turbid.
  41. The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
  42. The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.
  43. The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.
  44. The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
  45. The man who promises everything is sure to fulfil nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in danger of using evil means in order to carry out his promises, and is already on the road to perdition.
  46. The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.
  47. The healthy man does not torture others – generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.
  48. The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown.
  49. The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.
  50. The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.
  51. The collective unconscious consists of the sum of the instincts and their correlates, the archetypes. Just as everybody possesses instincts, so he also possesses a stock of archetypal images.
  52. The Christian missionary may preach the gospel to the poor naked heathen, but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
  53. The Christ-symbol is of the greatest importance for psychology in so far as it is perhaps the most highly developed and differentiated symbol of the self, apart from the figure of the Buddha.
  54. Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better.
  55. Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.
  56. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
  57. Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself.
  58. Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being. Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
  59. One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
  60. Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain.
  61. Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.
  62. Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
  63. Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.
  64. Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.
  65. Man’s task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.
  66. Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.
  67. Man is not a machine that can be remodelled for quite other purposes as occasion demands, in the hope that it will go on functioning as regularly as before but in a quite different way. He carries his whole history with him; in his very structure is written the history of mankind.
  68. Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.
  69. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
  70. Just as we might take Darwin as an example of the normal extraverted thinking type, the normal introverted thinking type could be represented by Kant. The one speaks with facts, the other relies on the subjective factor. Darwin ranges over the wide field of objective reality, Kant restricts himself to a critique of knowledge.
  71. It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts.
  72. It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.
  73. In the child, consciousness rises out of the depths of unconscious psychic life, at first like separate islands, which gradually unite to form a ‘continent,’ a continuous landmass of consciousness. Progressive mental development means, in effect, extension of consciousness.
  74. In my case Pilgrim’s Progress consisted in my having to climb down a thousand ladders until I could reach out my hand to the little clod of earth that I am.
  75. In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.
  76. If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
  77. If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.
  78. I have treated many hundreds of patients. Among those in the second half of life – that is to say, over 35 – there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.
  79. Grounded in the natural philosophy of the Middle Ages, alchemy formed a bridge: on the one hand into the past, to Gnosticism, and on the other into the future, to the modern psychology of the unconscious.
  80. Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off.
  81. For a young person, it is almost a sin, or at least a danger, to be too preoccupied with himself; but for the ageing person, it is a duty and a necessity to devote serious attention to himself.
  82. Follow that will and that way which experience confirms to be your own.
  83. Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
  84. Everyone knows nowadays that people ‘have complexes’. What is not so well known, though far more important theoretically, is that complexes can have us.
  85. Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
  86. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
  87. Dreams are the guiding words of the soul. Why should I henceforth not love my dreams and not make their riddling images into objects of my daily consideration?
  88. Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.
  89. As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
  90. All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.
  91. A psychoneurosis must be understood, ultimately, as the suffering of a soul which has not discovered its meaning.
  92. A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.
  93. A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.
  94. A human being would certainly not grow to be seventy or eighty years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life’s morning.
  95. A ‘scream’ is always just that – a noise and not music.
  96. You probably don’t need more weapons than what’s required to destroy every city on earth. There’s only 2,300 cities. So, the United States, by that criteria, only needs 2,300 nuclear weapons – well, we’ve got more than 25,000!
  97. Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.
  98. When you make the finding yourself – even if you’re the last person on Earth to see the light – you’ll never forget it.
  99. We’ve arranged a civilization in which most crucial elements profoundly depend on science and technology.
  100. We’re in very bad trouble if we don’t understand the planet we’re trying to save.
  101. We start out a million years ago in a small community on some grassy plain; we hunt animals, have children, and develop a rich social, sexual, and intellectual life, but we know almost nothing about our surroundings.
  102. We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.
  103. We hunger to understand, so we invent myths about how we imagine the world is constructed – and they’re, of course, based upon what we know, which is ourselves and other animals. So we make up stories about how the world was hatched from a cosmic egg or created after the mating of cosmic deities or by some fiat of a powerful being.
  104. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces.
  105. We are the representatives of the cosmos; we are an example of what hydrogen atoms can do, given 15 billion years of cosmic evolution.
  106. We are not without empathetic terror when we open Pascal’s ‘Pensees’ and read, ‘I am the great silent spaces between worlds.’
  107. Today, we’re still loaded down – and, to some extent, embarrassed – by ancient myths, but we respect them as part of the same impulse that has led to the modern, scientific kind of myth. But we now have the opportunity to discover, for the first time, the way the universe is in fact constructed as opposed to how we would wish it to be constructed.
  108. There is a wide, yawning black infinity. In every direction, the extension is endless; the sensation of depth is overwhelming. And the darkness is immortal. Where light exists, it is pure, blazing, fierce; but light exists almost nowhere, and the blackness itself is also pure and blazing and fierce.
  109. The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.
  110. The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.
  111. The professed function of the nuclear weapons on each side is to prevent the other side from using their nuclear weapons. If that’s all it is, then we’ve gotta as: how many nuclear weapons do you need to do that?
  112. The dangers of not thinking clearly are much greater now than ever before. It’s not that there’s something new in our way of thinking – it’s that credulous and confused thinking can be much more lethal in ways it was never before.
  113. The brain is like a muscle. When it is in use we feel very good. Understanding is joyous.
  114. The boundary between space and the earth is purely arbitrary. And I’ll probably always be interested in this planet – it’s my favorite.
  115. The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena.
  116. Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep thoughts can be winnowed from deep nonsense.
  117. Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge.
  118. Personally, I would be delighted if there were a life after death, especially if it permitted me to continue to learn about this world and others, if it gave me a chance to discover how history turns out.
  119. Our species needs, and deserves, a citizenry with minds wide awake and a basic understanding of how the world works.
  120. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
  121. No other planet in the solar system is a suitable home for human beings; it’s this world or nothing. That’s a very powerful perception.
  122. Most of the people that I deal with are human. So I’ve had a lot of experience with that.
  123. It’s been said that astronomy is a humbling and, I might add, a character-building experience.
  124. It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
  125. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us.
  126. Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
  127. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
  128. If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits?
  129. I’ve written a number of books that have to do with the evolution of humans, human intelligence, human emotions.
  130. I can find in my undergraduate classes, bright students who do not know that the stars rise and set at night, or even that the Sun is a star.
  131. I am often amazed at how much more capability and enthusiasm for science there is among elementary school youngsters than among college students.
  132. For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
  133. For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
  134. Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception.
  135. Even these stars, which seem so numerous, are as sand, as dust – or less than dust – in the enormity of the space in which there is nothing.
  136. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
  137. All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.
  138. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
  139. A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
  140. You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn’t have the protection that a newspaper has.
  141. You have to really want it, and don’t take it personally if you don’t get a job. Because sometimes you’re not the type. And sometimes it’s somebody else’s turn.
  142. You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself.
  143. Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.
  144. When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go.
  145. When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged.
  146. When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn’t happen.
  147. When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh.
  148. When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then… this laugh happened. I thought, ‘Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?’
  149. When I left ‘The Garry Moore Show,’ I signed a 10-year contract with CBS.
  150. What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don’t think I could write a novel. I don’t think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.
  151. Well, I don’t know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.
  152. We don’t stop going to school when we graduate.
  153. We all get where we’re going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted.
  154. Steve Martin in ‘All of Me,’ when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant.
  155. Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on – I guess you’d call it welfare, what we called relief.
  156. Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
  157. On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we’d sit around the kitchen table – it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top – and sing.
  158. My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it’s not a joke, but it’s telling a story.
  159. My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.
  160. My interesting diet tips are eat early and don’t nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.
  161. My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we’d come back to the apartment – we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood – and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen.
  162. My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.
  163. My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.
  164. My first book was an open letter to my three daughters.
  165. My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him – being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I’ve never seen anybody better.
  166. My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn’t that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know?
  167. My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved.
  168. Kristin Wiig I think is brilliant.
  169. Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell.
  170. Jimmy Stewart and Lucille Ball were so unique.
  171. It’s not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you’re an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I’m proud to say that I’m not a one-trick pony.
  172. It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others.
  173. It’s almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.
  174. It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it’s too bad that we don’t have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team’s lawyers.
  175. It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn’t change anything. I had such a great run.
  176. In ’57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.
  177. If I go to a party, I’m not one to be the funniest person in the room at all.
  178. I’ve always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the ’40s because there was no cynicism.
  179. I’ve always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.
  180. I’m so happy with what has happened in my life.
  181. I’m really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.
  182. I’m not always optimistic. You wouldn’t have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins.
  183. I’m not a person who likes to confront.
  184. I’m like your mother, your sister, whatever.
  185. I’m into ‘House of Cards.’ ‘Breaking Bad’ – my God, did I binge on that!
  186. I’m hooked on Glenn Close in ‘Damages.’
  187. I’m glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn’t spend the money today.
  188. I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.
  189. I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland.
  190. I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I’d come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw.
  191. I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.
  192. I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will.
  193. I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn’t have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, ‘Well, that’s for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.’
  194. I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy.
  195. I very much enjoyed doing ‘Law & Order,’ playing a killer – that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite.
  196. I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical.
  197. I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.
  198. I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called ‘Once Upon a Mattress,’ that kind of put me on the map.
  199. I really enjoy connecting with the audience.
  200. I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time.
  201. I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.
  202. I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do.
  203. I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry.
  204. I loved doing ‘The Family’ with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy.
  205. I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love.
  206. I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.
  207. I love audiences.
  208. I love Maya Rudolph. She’s very multitalented herself.
  209. I love ‘Modern Family.’ And I love ‘Glee’ – the singing, the music – Jane Lynch just kills me.
  210. I liked myself better when I wasn’t me.
  211. I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it.
  212. I have a great memory.
  213. I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows.
  214. I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper.
  215. I had a good loud voice and I wasn’t afraid to be goofy or zany.
  216. I eat very well, and I do Pilates.
  217. I don’t watch sitcoms. I really don’t. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there’s no spontaneity. I want to see that.
  218. I don’t have false teeth. Do you think I’d buy teeth like these?
  219. I don’t eat much meat, fish, or poultry.
  220. I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They’re the whole ball of wax.
  221. I do the ‘New York Times’ crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.
  222. I didn’t really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts.
  223. I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas.
  224. I can’t tell a joke to save my soul. It’s just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.
  225. I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice.
  226. I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn’t do.
  227. Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
  228. Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter.
  229. Everybody I know who is funny, it’s in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don’t like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.
  230. Edgy is fine – I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination – but what’s wrong with a good ol’ belly laugh? I miss that.
  231. Comedy is tragedy – plus time.
  232. Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.
  233. But I don’t begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it’s just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.
  234. But I didn’t ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn’t even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
  235. Because of YouTube, I’m getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids.
  236. Because nobody goes through life without a scar.
  237. Ask anyone who’s successful how they got there, you’re going to hear a different story.
  238. As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in ‘Dharma and Greg’ was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing.
  239. Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
  240. You knew how humiliating that is as an experience for celebrities to be less of a celebrity. There’s no class to adjust to being less famous, and you don’t think you have to worry about it. But you do.
  241. You get to choose what monsters you want to slay. I’m sorry to say this again, but let’s face it – the Force is with you.
  242. You can’t find true affection in Hollywood because everyone does the fake affection so well.
  243. You can’t find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
  244. Writing is a very calming thing for me.
  245. What I’ve realized recently is that the difference between me and Mickey Mouse is, there’s not a man that can go and say, ‘Look, can you get me in any faster? I’m Mickey Mouse.’ Whereas I can go in and say, ‘Look, could you get me a table faster? I’m Princess Leia.’
  246. What I wrote all the time when I was a kid – I don’t want to call it ‘poetry,’ because it wasn’t poetry. I was not that kind of a writer. I was a rhymer. I was a fan of Dorothy Parker’s, so maybe I wrote poetry to that extent, but my main focus was the humor of it, and word construction, and the slant. Your words, it’s a very powerful experience.
  247. What I always wanna tell young people now: Pay attention. This isn’t gonna happen again. Rather than try to understand it as it’s going along, have it go along for a while and then understand it.
  248. We treat beauty like an accomplishment, and that is insane. Everyone in L.A. says, ‘Oh, you look good,’ and you listen for them to say you’ve lost weight. It’s never ‘How are you?’ or ‘You seem happy!’
  249. Two of the saddest words in the English language are, ‘What party?’ And L.A. is the ‘What party?’ capital of the world.
  250. There’s a line I have that our family was designed more for public than for private. But there are definitely some things that are only mine. I am someone who dreams at night, and you don’t know what I’m dreaming.
  251. There were days I could barely struggle into a size 46 or 48, months of larges and XXLs, and endless rounds of leggings with the elastic at the waist stretched to its limit and beyond – topped with the fashion equivalent of a tea cozy. And always black, because I was in mourning for my slimmer self.
  252. There is no point at which you can say, ‘Well, I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap.’
  253. The world of manic depression is a world of bad judgment calls.
  254. The manic end of is a lot of fun.
  255. That’s why ‘Star Wars’ is appealing. You watch someone fight the perilous monster.
  256. Some of my memories will never return. They are lost – along with the crippling feeling of defeat and hopelessness. Not a tremendous price to pay.
  257. So when I was 24, someone suggested to me that I was bipolar, and I thought that was ridiculous. I just thought he was trying to get out of treating me. But he was also responding to the chaotic nature of my life.
  258. She’s an immensely powerful woman, and I just admire my mother very much.
  259. She has been more than a mother than me – not much, but definitely more… She’s been an unsolicited stylist, interior decorator and marriage counselor… Admittedly, I found it difficult to share my mother with her adoring fans, who treated her like she was part of their family.
  260. People want me to say that I’m sick of playing Leia and that it ruined my life. If my life was that easy to ruin, it deserved to be ruined.
  261. People see me and they squeal like tropical birds or seals stranded on the beach.
  262. People are still asking me if I knew Star Wars was going to be that big of a hit. Yes, we all knew. The only one who didn’t know was George.
  263. Over time, I’ve paid attention, taken notes and forgotten easily half of everything I’ve gone through.
  264. One of the great things to pretend is that you’re not only alright, you’re in great shape. Now to have that come true – I’ve actually gone on stage depressed and that’s worked its magic on me, ’cause if I can convince you that I’m alright, then maybe I can convince me.
  265. Now I say I’m a diarist with an explanation I’ll get back to you on. Someday I may try and write in memoir form.
  266. No, as it turns out, I really like being congratulated on my weight loss. I like it so much, it’s tragic.
  267. My parents had this incredibly vital relationship with an audience, like muscle with blood. This was the main competition I had for my parents’ attention: an audience.
  268. My mother’s career was over at 40 but she was still trying to be everyone’s buddy, always smiling for the cameras.
  269. My father was a joyous, joyous spirit, he really was. He was a hedonist, that was just – he enjoyed life, thrust up to the elbows with it. He was a terrible father. I don’t know that he was parented that well.
  270. My comfort wasn’t the most important thing – my getting through to the other side of difficult feelings was. However long it might seem to take, and however unfair it might seem, it was my job to do it.
  271. Movies are dreams! And they work on you subliminally.
  272. Mothers are great. They outlast everything. But when they’re bad, they’re the worst thing that can happen.
  273. Mistakes are a drag, because you get in the area of regret and self-pity.
  274. Leia follows me like a vague smell.
  275. Kevin Smith is a very challenging conversationalist and Jay has many great stories.
  276. It’s the most amazing thing to be able to forgive.
  277. It’s difficult to know what to say to someone whose partner has cheated on them.
  278. It really annoys me that I’m vain, but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to discard that tendency.
  279. It creates community when you talk about private things.
  280. It can’t hurt to go to the people you love, whose blood type courses through your veins and whose DNA, from a certain angle, contains many of the same markings as yours. You don’t have to take their advice, but let them share their version of solutions to life’s difficulties. Good or bad – it could be interesting.
  281. Instant gratification takes too long.
  282. In the Fifties, my parents were known as ‘America’s sweethearts’. Their pictures graced the covers of all the newspapers. They were the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston of their day.
  283. If you claim something, you can own it.
  284. If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.
  285. If anything, my mother taught me how to sur-thrive. That’s my word for it.
  286. I’ve totally embraced it. I like Princess Leia. I like how she was feisty.
  287. I’ve seen pictures of myself with makeup on, and I look like those women who look like they’re wearing makeup so they can look young, and I don’t think that’s good. They have all these products now called – wait, what’s it called, it’s my favorite – youth suppressant, or age go away; they don’t work.
  288. I’ve been there for a couple of people when they were dying; it didn’t look like fun. But if I was gonna do it, I’d want someone like me around. And I will be there!
  289. I’m very sane about how crazy I am.
  290. I’m in a business where the only thing that matters is weight and appearance. That is so messed up. They might as well say ‘Get younger,’ because that’s how easy it is.
  291. I’m fine, but I’m bipolar. I’m on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I’m never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It’s like being a diabetic.
  292. I’ll never be known for my work with boundaries.
  293. I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.
  294. I watched my parents’ fame diminish – as I was getting more conscious, their celebrity was going back down the mountain.
  295. I was street smart, but unfortunately the street was Rodeo Drive.
  296. I was born on October 21, 1956 in Burbank, California. My father, Eddie Fisher, was a famous singer. My mother, Debbie Reynolds, was a movie star. Her best-known role was in ‘Singin’ In The Rain.’
  297. I was born into big celebrity. It could only diminish.
  298. I waited for my daughter, Billie, to come to me with her troubles – but I’m glad I didn’t hold my breath.
  299. I trust myself. I trust my instincts. I know what I’m gonna do, what I can do, what I can’t do. I’ve been through a lot, and I could go through more, but I hope I don’t have to. But if I did, I’d be able to do it. I’m not going to enjoy dying, but there’s not much prep for that.
  300. I think that the truth is a really stern taskmistress.
  301. I think of my body as a side effect of my mind.
  302. I think I do overshare. It’s my way of trying to understand myself.
  303. I started out doing my mother’s nightclub act, and I had stage fright.
  304. I spent a year in a 12-step program, really committed, because I could not believe what had happened – that I might have killed myself.
  305. I really love the internet. They say chat-rooms are the trailer park of the internet but I find it amazing.
  306. I overheard people saying, ‘She thinks she’s so great because she’s Debbie Reynolds’ daughter!’ And I didn’t like it; it made me different from other people, and I wanted to be the same.
  307. I outlasted my problems.
  308. I like performing. I like partnering with an audience.
  309. I knew what show business was, which was why I didn’t want in on that action. I saw what happens! You get it, and then you lose it.
  310. I have two moods. One is Roy, rollicking Roy, the wild ride of a mood. And Pam, sediment Pam, who stands on the shore and sobs… Sometimes the tide is in, sometimes it’s out.
  311. I have been in ‘Star Wars’ since I was 20. And they’re not just doing some goofy sequel, like, to service the hunger of it. It actually has been thought out and it has integrity and they took it seriously, which they didn’t have to do, you know? It’s hard to do, given the appetite and the angles from which everybody’s coming at it.
  312. I have been in ‘Star Wars’ since I was 20.
  313. I have been Princess Leia exclusively. It’s been a part of my life for 40 years.
  314. I have a mess in my head sometimes, and there’s something very satisfying about putting it into words. Certainly it’s not something that you’re in charge of, necessarily, but writing about it, putting it into your words, can be a very powerful experience.
  315. I have a harder time eating properly than I do exercising. It’s easier for me to add an activity than to deny myself something. And when I do lose the weight, I don’t like that it makes me feel good about myself. It’s not who I am.
  316. I have a chemical imbalance that, in its most extreme state, will lead me to a mental hospital.
  317. I found out when I did the Oprah Winfrey show that there was a cookie jar of me. So she gave it to me. I had no idea prior to that that it even existed.
  318. I fear dying. Anything with pain associated with it, I don’t like.
  319. I enjoy taking jobs that make fun of me – or me as Princess Leia, or me as the writer, or whatever, as some idea.
  320. I don’t want to be thought of as a survivor because you have to continue getting involved in difficult situations to show off that particular gift, and I’m not interested in doing that anymore.
  321. I don’t want to be a victim.
  322. I don’t think Christmas is necessarily about things. It’s about being good to one another, it’s about the Christian ethic, it’s about kindness.
  323. I don’t like looking at myself. I have such bad body dysmorphia.
  324. I did the traditional thing with falling in love with words, reading books and underlining lines I liked and words I didn’t know. It was something I always did.
  325. I am truly a product of Hollywood in-breeding. When two celebrities mate, someone like me is the result.
  326. I am mentally ill. I can say that. I am not ashamed of that. I survived that, I’m still surviving it, but bring it on. Better me than you.
  327. I am a very discreet human when it comes to other people.
  328. I am a spy in the house of me. I report back from the front lines of the battle that is me. I am somewhat nonplused by the event that is my life.
  329. I always wrote. I wrote from when I was 12. That was therapeutic for me in those days. I wrote things to get them out of feeling them, and onto paper. So writing in a way saved me, kept me company. I did the traditional thing with falling in love with words, reading books and underlining lines I liked and words I didn’t know.
  330. I always kept a diary – not a diary like, ‘Dear Diary, we got up at 5 A.M., and I wore the weird hair again and that white dress! Hi-yeee!’ I’d just write.
  331. He’s a very strange guy, my father. I can’t get mad at him because he’s so adorable.
  332. Going to AA helped me to see that there were other people who had problems that had found a way to talk about them and find relief and humor through that.
  333. Females get hired along procreative lines. After 40, we’re kind of cooked.
  334. Everything is negotiable. Whether or not the negotiation is easy is another thing.
  335. Even my parents sort of went along with the assumption that they were a good couple, but they probably weren’t a very good couple.
  336. Drugs made me feel more normal.
  337. Certainly there are people who like me, but then there are those who don’t know me who gossip about me. You can’t believe the things I’ve heard.
  338. As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.
  339. Anything you can do in excess for the wrong reasons is exciting to me.
  340. Along with aging comes life experience, so in every way that is consistent with even being human, Leia has changed.
  341. All of us are looking for an outside ordeal that will internally change us.
  342. Acting engenders and harbours qualities that are best left way behind in adolescence.
  343. You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.
  344. You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.
  345. You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.
  346. You gotta learn that if you don’t get it by midnight, chances are you ain’t gonna get it, and if you do, it ain’t worth it.
  347. You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.
  348. You can’t go out to the mound hobbling and take a pitcher out with a cane.
  349. Without losers, where would the winners be?
  350. When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you’re older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
  351. Two hundred million Americans, and there ain’t two good catchers among ’em.
  352. They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I’ll never make the mistake of being seventy again.
  353. They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.
  354. They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What’s funny about that?
  355. There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had plenty of them.
  356. There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.
  357. The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.
  358. The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it.
  359. The trick is growing up without growing old.
  360. The team has come along slow but fast.
  361. The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.
  362. The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
  363. The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.
  364. The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.
  365. Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?
  366. Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.
  367. Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they’re successful.
  368. No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.
  369. Never make predictions, especially about the future.
  370. Most ball games are lost, not won.
  371. Managing is getting paid for home runs that someone else hits.
  372. It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.
  373. If you’re so smart, let’s see you get out of the Army.
  374. If you’re playing baseball and thinking about managing, you’re crazy. You’d be better off thinking about being an owner.
  375. If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.
  376. If I’ve got a good pinch-hitter, I hate to have him stay on the bench with men on the bases in an early inning. He may end the game right there.
  377. I’ve tried to give a dollar and 25 cents in work for every dollar paid me.
  378. I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.
  379. I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.
  380. I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.
  381. I got players with bad watches – they can’t tell midnight from noon.
  382. I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I’ve been thrown out of so many.
  383. I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.
  384. I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.
  385. I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don’t drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren’t speaking and I said I’ll take that drink.
  386. I broke in with four hits, and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb. It took me only a few days to correct that impression.
  387. Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.
  388. Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.
  389. Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.
  390. Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.
  391. Don’t cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.
  392. Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
  393. Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose ’em I never knew existed before.
  394. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
  395. All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for… reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.
  396. Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.
  397. You are never strong enough that you don’t need help.
  398. Without a union, the people are always cheated, and they are so innocent.
  399. Who gets the risks? The risks are given to the consumer, the unsuspecting consumer and the poor work force. And who gets the benefits? The benefits are only for the corporations, for the money makers.
  400. When we are really honest with ourselves we must admit our lives are all that really belong to us. So it is how we use our lives that determines the kind of men we are.
  401. When poor people get involved in a long conflict, such as a strike or a civil rights drive, and the pressure increases each day, there is a deep need for spiritual advice. Without it, we see families crumble, leadership weaken, and hard workers grow tired.
  402. What we do know absolutely is that human lives are worth more than grapes and that innocent-looking grapes on the table may disguise poisonous residues hidden deep inside where washing cannot reach.
  403. We need to help students and parents cherish and preserve the ethnic and cultural diversity that nourishes and strengthens this community – and this nation.
  404. We learned many years ago that the rich may have money, but the poor have time.
  405. We farm workers are closest to food production. We were the first to recognize the serious health hazards of agriculture pesticides to both consumers and ourselves.
  406. We draw our strength from the very despair in which we have been forced to live. We shall endure.
  407. We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community… Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.
  408. To be a man is to suffer for others. God help us to be men!
  409. Though many of the poor have come to see the affluent middle class as its enemy, that class actually stands between the poor and the real powers in this society – the administrative octopus with its head in Washington, the conglomerates, the military complex.
  410. There is no such thing as defeat in non-violence.
  411. There is no substitute for hard work, 23 or 24 hours a day. And there is no substitute for patience and acceptance.
  412. There is no law for farm labor organizing, save the law of the jungle.
  413. There are vivid memories from my childhood – what we had to go through because of low wages and the conditions, basically because there was no union. I suppose, if I wanted to be fair, I could say that I’m trying to settle a personal score. I could dramatize it by saying that I want to bring social justice to farm workers.
  414. The fight is never about grapes or lettuce. It is always about people.
  415. The end of all knowledge should be service to others.
  416. The burdens of generations of poverty and powerlessness lie heavy in the fields of America. If we fail, there are those who will see violence as the shortcut to change.
  417. Students must have initiative; they should not be mere imitators. They must learn to think and act for themselves – and be free.
  418. Since the Church is to be servant to the poor, it is our fault if that wealth is not channeled to help the poor in our world.
  419. Real education should consist of drawing the goodness and the best out of our own students. What better books can there be than the book of humanity?
  420. Preservation of one’s own culture does not require contempt or disrespect for other cultures.
  421. Our language is the reflection of ourselves. A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.
  422. It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. He gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on earth. It is an awesome opportunity.
  423. It is my deepest belief that only by giving our lives do we find life. I am convinced that the truest act of courage, the strongest act of manliness is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally non-violent struggle for justice.
  424. In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence.
  425. If you want to remember me, organize!
  426. If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.
  427. From the depth of need and despair, people can work together, can organize themselves to solve their own problems and fill their own needs with dignity and strength.
  428. Farm workers are society’s canaries. Farm workers – and their children – demonstrate the effects of pesticide poisoning before anyone else.
  429. As long as we have a poor country bordering California, it’s going to be very difficult to win strikes.
  430. We should not fret for what is past, nor should we be anxious about the future; men of discernment deal only with the present moment.
  431. Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.
  432. There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.
  433. There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it.
  434. There is no austerity equal to a balanced mind, and there is no happiness equal to contentment; there is no disease like covetousness, and no virtue like mercy.
  435. The world’s biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.
  436. The wise man should restrain his senses like the crane and accomplish his purpose with due knowledge of his place, time and ability.
  437. The serpent, the king, the tiger, the stinging wasp, the small child, the dog owned by other people, and the fool: these seven ought not to be awakened from sleep.
  438. The one excellent thing that can be learned from a lion is that whatever a man intends doing should be done by him with a whole-hearted and strenuous effort.
  439. The life of an uneducated man is as useless as the tail of a dog which neither covers its rear end, nor protects it from the bites of insects.
  440. The happiness and peace attained by those satisfied by the nectar of spiritual tranquillity is not attained by greedy persons restlessly moving here and there.
  441. The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions.
  442. The earth is supported by the power of truth; it is the power of truth that makes the sun shine and the winds blow; indeed all things rest upon truth.
  443. The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.
  444. Test a servant while in the discharge of his duty, a relative in difficulty, a friend in adversity, and a wife in misfortune.
  445. Purity of speech, of the mind, of the senses, and of a compassionate heart are needed by one who desires to rise to the divine platform.
  446. One whose knowledge is confined to books and whose wealth is in the possession of others, can use neither his knowledge nor wealth when the need for them arises.
  447. Once you start a working on something, don’t be afraid of failure and don’t abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.
  448. O wise man! Give your wealth only to the worthy and never to others. The water of the sea received by the clouds is always sweet.
  449. Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness.
  450. It is better to die than to preserve this life by incurring disgrace. The loss of life causes but a moment’s grief, but disgrace brings grief every day of one’s life.
  451. If one has a good disposition, what other virtue is needed? If a man has fame, what is the value of other ornamentation?
  452. He who lives in our mind is near though he may actually be far away; but he who is not in our heart is far though he may really be nearby.
  453. He who is overly attached to his family members experiences fear and sorrow, for the root of all grief is attachment. Thus one should discard attachment to be happy.
  454. God doesn’t dwell in the wooden, stony or earthen idols. His abode is in our feelings, our thoughts.
  455. Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.
  456. Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.
  457. Do not reveal what you have thought upon doing, but by wise council keep it secret being determined to carry it into execution.
  458. Do not be very upright in your dealings for you would see by going to the forest that straight trees are cut down while crooked ones are left standing.
  459. Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.
  460. Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.
  461. As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.
  462. As long as your body is healthy and under control and death is distant, try to save your soul; when death is immanent what can you do?
  463. As a single withered tree, if set aflame, causes a whole forest to burn, so does a rascal son destroy a whole family.
  464. A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first.
  465. A man is great by deeds, not by birth.
  466. A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode.
  467. A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night.
  468. With ‘Acid Rap,’ I allowed myself to be really open-minded and free with who I allowed into my musical space. I wanted to make a cohesive product, but I also just want to make a bunch of dope songs inspired by whatever sounds I liked.
  469. When you’re a Chicago artist, to play Lollapalooza, that’s not a normal thing. It’s artists on a path to a certain place that do that. Chief Keef did it; Kids These Days did it; Cool Kids did it. And I’m the next Cool-Kids-Chief, if you will.
  470. There’s nothing like doing a show at home. When you do a show in Chicago, there’s just a certain love that you don’t feel anywhere else; it’s like home base.
  471. There’s a hunger in me that always wants to be creating and orating, telling people something and giving them information and getting feedback. There are so many questions that I’m trying to ask, and I’m still so far from being done saying what I gotta say.
  472. The whole point of ‘Acid Rap’ was just to ask people a question: does the music business side of this dictate what type of project this is? If it’s all original music and it’s got this much emotion around it and it connects this way with this many people, is it a mixtape? What’s an ‘album’ these days, anyways?
  473. The weird thing about rap is that you don’t get compared in the same way that athletes do, even though it’s probably the most competitive sport in music. In basketball, they look at a player and say: ‘This guy was the best in his prime at this sport.’ But in rap it’s not until you’re dead or retired that people think about it like that.
  474. The idea of ‘talking white,’ a lot of people grew up around that, just the idea that if you speak with proper diction and come off as educated that it’s not black and that it’s actually anti-black and should be considered only something that white people would do.
  475. People wanna say that they’re part Native American or mixed, or anything other than black. We’re raised to believe that there’s something better about not being fully black, something eccentric about it. I’m saying I used to tell girls that I was mixed, which is a bold-faced lie!
  476. People always tell me I’m the complete opposite of Chief Keef and act like I’m supposed to stop him from making his music. But I like Chief Keef, so it’s always super awkward. I just make music I like.
  477. One of the first times I ever performed in front of a big group of people was at my kindergarten graduation. I did, like, a Michael Jackson impersonation as, like, a five year old. I had the suit and blazer, the glove and the fedora, and I just performed a whole Michael Jackson song. I’m sure it was ‘Smooth Criminal.’
  478. My favorite artist in the world is Michael Jackson, and he revolutionized the music video aspect of music.
  479. My come-out record, ’10 Day,’ was the thing people were supposed to hear and figure out ‘he’s good’ or ‘he’s not good.’ ‘Acid Rap’ is the comeback tape, and it asks way bigger and better questions than, ‘Is he good at rapping?’
  480. Music can kind of make you one-dimensional. People see what’s on the surface and what you rap about, and they make their decision on who you are from there.
  481. Kanye took me from a kid who listened to music to a kid who lived music.
  482. Jeremih has been my favorite artist to collab with.
  483. It wasn’t until I left that I realised it’s not weird to grow up in certain cities and, by the age of 27 or 28, for all of your friends to still be alive. I can think of a lot of kids that I knew in Chicago who were supposed to grow up but didn’t.
  484. I’ve never met Eminem; you don’t meet Eminem. He has his own secret service.
  485. I’m light skinned, and I used to lean on that because that’s something a lot of black people pride themselves on, and it’s weird.
  486. I think it’s so dope that I’m here in Chicago and contributing to the music scene that’s thriving. People are so happy Chicago’s shining that everyone is willing to say ‘I represent Chicago.’ That wasn’t always the case.
  487. I think even before I knew I wanted to be a rapper, I wanted to be an entertainer. I was really into Michael Jackson as a kid.
  488. I made the decision that I was going to make rap music in, like, fourth grade, so it’s been something I was saying for a long time.
  489. I don’t really like meetings, I like recording and performing music. I need to set myself up for when the time does come that I need better distribution or just a bigger team behind me.
  490. I don’t really have control over my direct impression on people anymore. I used to be the person putting my CD in people’s hands. But I’m kind of a mainstream artist now. Not by choice.
  491. I don’t know where people think I’m from, but I’m from Chicago. It’s really just that. People wanna romanticize it and say, ‘There’s two sides to it, and it’s a beautiful love/hate story of violence and music.’ But it’s really just a very scummy place where people don’t have respect for other people’s lives.
  492. For me, performing is the biggest part of being a rapper. There’s nothing like the feeling of screaming your story to people.
  493. Fame or perceived success – it all comes from groupthink.
  494. Depending on the story that you’re telling, you can be relatable to everybody or nobody. I try and tell everybody’s story.
  495. Both of my parents graduated from high school, both attended college, both have government jobs now. They’ve always been very adamant about me finishing high school and finishing college.
  496. ‘Chance the Rapper’ is many things. I’m constantly evolving.
  497. You can do without a woman but not a typewriter.
  498. You begin saving the world by saving one man at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics.
  499. Writers have to put up with this editor thing; it is ageless and eternal and wrong.
  500. When everything works best, it’s not because you chose writing but because writing chose you. It’s when you’re mad with it, it’s when it’s stuffed in your ears, your nostrils, under your fingernails. It’s when there’s no hope but that.
  501. When I write, when I’m going hot, I don’t want to write more than four hours in a row. After that, you’re pushing it.
  502. When I worked on a magazine, I learned that there are many, many writers writing that can’t write at all; and they keep on writing all the cliches and bromides and 1890 plots, and poems about Spring and poems about Love, and poems they think are modern because they are done in slang or staccato style, or written with all the ‘i’s’ small.
  503. When I say that basically writing is a hard hustle, I don’t mean that it is a bad life, if one can get away with it. It’s the miracle of miracles to make a living by the typer.
  504. What my character is or how many jails I have lounged in, or wards or walls or wassails, how many lonely-heart poetry readings I have dodged, is beside the point. A man’s soul or lack of it will be evident with what he can carve upon a white sheet of paper.
  505. We’re all going to die, all of us; what a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.
  506. We have wasted History like a bunch of drunks shooting dice back in the men’s crapper of the local bar.
  507. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our education system.
  508. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
  509. To not to have entirely wasted one’s life seems to be a worthy accomplishment, if only for myself.
  510. To do a dull thing with style-now that’s what I call art.
  511. Those who have been writing literature have not been writing life.
  512. There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken.
  513. There are women who can make you feel more with their bodies and their souls, but these are the exact women who will turn the knife into you right in front of the crowd. Of course, I expect this, but the knife still cuts.
  514. The thing that I fear discriminating against is humor and truth.
  515. The more cats you have, the longer you live. If you have a hundred cats, you’ll live 10 times longer than if you have 10. Someday this will be discovered, and people will have a thousand cats and live forever. It’s truly ridiculous.
  516. The male, for all his bravado and exploration, is the loyal one, the one who generally feels love. The female is skilled at betrayal and torture and damnation.
  517. The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.
  518. The female loves to play man against man. And if she is in a position to do it, there is not one who will resist.
  519. The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.
  520. Sometimes I’ve called writing a disease. If so, I’m glad that it caught me.
  521. Somebody once asked me what my theory of life was, and I said, ‘Don’t try.’ That fits the writing, too. I don’t try; I just type.
  522. Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.
  523. Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.
  524. Shakespeare didn’t work at all for me.
  525. Never get out of bed before noon.
  526. Never envy a man his lady. Behind it all lays a living hell.
  527. My writing is jagged and harsh, I want it to remain that way; I don’t want it smoothed out.
  528. My love is a hummingbird sitting that quiet moment on the bough, as the same cat crouches.
  529. My days, my years, my life has seen up and downs, lights and darknesses. If I wrote only and continually of the ‘light’ and never mentioned the other, then as an artist, I would be a liar.
  530. Much publishing is done through politics, friends, and natural stupidity.
  531. Most poets are young simply because they have not been caught up. Show me an old poet, and I’ll show you, more often than not, either a madman or a master… it’s when you begin to lie to yourself in a poem in order simply to make a poem that you fail. That is why I do not rework poems.
  532. Joan of Arc had style. Jesus had style.
  533. It’s when you begin to lie to yourself in a poem in order to simply make a poem, that you fail.
  534. It’s possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too well.
  535. In my work, as a writer, I only photograph, in words, what I see.
  536. If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.
  537. If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence.
  538. If I write badly about blacks, homosexuals and women, it is because of these who I met were that. There are many ‘bads’ – bad dogs, bad censorship; there are even ‘bad’ white males. Only, when you write about ‘bad’ white males, they don’t complain about it. And need I say that there are ‘good’ blacks, ‘good’ homosexuals and ‘good’ women?
  539. I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
  540. I used to live on one candy bar a day – it cost a nickel. I always remember the candy bar was called Payday. That was my payday. And that candy bar tasted so good, at night I would take one bite, and it was so beautiful.
  541. I only type every third night. I have no plan. My mind is a blank. I sit down. The typewriter gives me things I don’t even know I’m working on. It’s a free lunch. A free dinner. I don’t know how long it is going to continue, but so far there is nothing easier than writing.
  542. I kept writing not because I felt I was so good, but because I felt they were so bad, including Shakespeare, all those. The stilted formalism, like chewing cardboard.
  543. I have not worked out my poems with a careful will, falling rather on haphazard and blind formulation of wordage, a more flowing concept, in a hope for a more new and lively path. I do personalize at times, but this only for the grace and elan of the dance.
  544. I have no definite talent or trade, and how I stay alive is largely a matter of magic.
  545. I don’t write so much now. I’m getting on 33, pot belly and creeping dementia.
  546. I don’t like the clean-shaven boy with the necktie and the good job. I like desperate men, men with broken teeth and broken minds and broken ways. They interest me. They are full of surprises and explosions.
  547. I don’t like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
  548. I do not like the human race. I don’t like their heads, I don’t like their faces, I don’t like their feet, I don’t like their conversations, I don’t like their hairdos, I don’t like their automobiles.
  549. I can relax with bums because I am a bum. I don’t like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don’t like to be shaped by society.
  550. I am a dangerous man when turned loose with a typewriter.
  551. Humanity, you never had it to begin with.
  552. Having a bunch of cats around is good. If you’re feeling bad, you just look at the cats, you’ll feel better because they know that everything is just as it is. There’s nothing to get excited about. They just know. They’re saviours.
  553. Genius might be the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way.
  554. Generally, a writer of force is anywhere from 20 years to 200 years ahead of his generation.
  555. Even though I write about the human race, the further away from them, the better I feel. Two miles is great; two thousand miles is beautiful.
  556. Early on, when I was quite young and going from job to job, I was foolish enough to sometimes speak to my fellow workers: ‘Hey, the boss can come in here at any moment and lay all of us off, just like that, don’t you realize that?’ They would just look at me. I was posing something that they didn’t want to enter their minds.
  557. Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and from others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real, and I can’t vent any anger against them; I only feel this appalling sadness. Somewhere in their upbringing, they were shielded against the total facts of our existence.
  558. Between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four, I must have read a whole library.
  559. Bad taste creates many more millionaires than good taste.
  560. An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.
  561. Almost everybody is born a genius and buried an idiot.
  562. A cat is only itself, representative of the strong forces of life that won’t let go.
  563. What a book a devil’s chaplain might write on the clumsy, wasteful, blundering, low, and horribly cruel work of nature!
  564. We must, however, acknowledge, as it seems to me, that man with all his noble qualities… still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin.
  565. We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe, nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws, but the smallest insect, we wish to be created at once by special act.
  566. To kill an error is as good a service as, and sometimes even better than, the establishing of a new truth or fact.
  567. The very essence of instinct is that it’s followed independently of reason.
  568. The mystery of the beginning of all things is insoluble by us; and I for one must be content to remain an agnostic.
  569. The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.
  570. On the ordinary view of each species having been independently created, we gain no scientific explanation.
  571. My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts.
  572. Man tends to increase at a greater rate than his means of subsistence.
  573. Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped, probably arboreal in its habits.
  574. It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed in any subject as I am in mine.
  575. Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.
  576. If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.
  577. I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.
  578. I have tried lately to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
  579. I have steadily endeavoured to keep my mind free so as to give up any hypothesis, however much beloved (and I cannot resist forming one on every subject), as soon as facts are shown to be opposed to it.
  580. I have called this principle, by which each slight variation, if useful, is preserved, by the term of Natural Selection.
  581. I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created parasitic wasps with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars.
  582. I am turned into a sort of machine for observing facts and grinding out conclusions.
  583. How paramount the future is to the present when one is surrounded by children.
  584. False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science, for they often endure long; but false views, if supported by some evidence, do little harm, for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
  585. At some future period, not very distant as measured by centuries, the civilized races of man will almost certainly exterminate, and replace the savage races throughout the world.
  586. Animals, whom we have made our slaves, we do not like to consider our equal.
  587. An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
  588. A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections, – a mere heart of stone.
  589. A moral being is one who is capable of reflecting on his past actions and their motives – of approving of some and disapproving of others.
  590. A man’s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.
  591. A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.
  592. You don’t carry in your countenance a letter of recommendation.
  593. When a man bleeds inwardly, it is a dangerous thing for himself; but when he laughs inwardly, it bodes no good to other people.
  594. Whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do it well; whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself completely; in great aims and in small I have always thoroughly been in earnest.
  595. We forge the chains we wear in life.
  596. We are so very ‘umble.
  597. Vices are sometimes only virtues carried to excess!
  598. To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.
  599. This is a world of action, and not for moping and droning in.
  600. There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth.
  601. There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart.
  602. There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated.
  603. There are only two styles of portrait painting; the serious and the smirk.
  604. There are not a few among the disciples of charity who require, in their vocation, scarcely less excitement than the votaries of pleasure in theirs.
  605. There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
  606. There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts.
  607. The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.
  608. The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.
  609. The one great principle of English law is to make business for itself.
  610. The men who learn endurance, are they who call the whole world, brother.
  611. The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you.
  612. The civility which money will purchase, is rarely extended to those who have none.
  613. The age of chivalry is past. Bores have succeeded to dragons.
  614. That sort of half sigh, which, accompanied by two or three slight nods of the head, is pity’s small change in general society.
  615. Subdue your appetites, my dears, and you’ve conquered human nature.
  616. Send forth the child and childish man together, and blush for the pride that libels our own old happy state, and gives its title to an ugly and distorted image.
  617. Renunciation remains sorrow, though a sorrow borne willingly.
  618. Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.
  619. Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
  620. Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips.
  621. Oh the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are!
  622. No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.
  623. Nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their progress.
  624. Most men are individuals no longer so far as their business, its activities, or its moralities are concerned. They are not units but fractions.
  625. May not the complaint, that common people are above their station, often take its rise in the fact of uncommon people being below theirs?
  626. Little Red Riding Hood was my first love. I felt that if I could have married Little Red Riding Hood, I should have known perfect bliss.
  627. Life is made of ever so many partings welded together.
  628. Let us be moral. Let us contemplate existence.
  629. It’s my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.
  630. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
  631. It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.
  632. It opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper; so cry away.
  633. It is a pleasant thing to reflect upon, and furnishes a complete answer to those who contend for the gradual degeneration of the human species, that every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last.
  634. It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations.
  635. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.
  636. In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt, as injustice.
  637. If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
  638. I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
  639. I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free.
  640. I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time.
  641. I know I do not exaggerate, unconsciously and unintentionally, the scantiness of my resources and the difficulty of my life… I know that, but for the mercy of God, I might easily have been, for any care that was taken of me, a little robber or a vagabond.
  642. I have known a vast quantity of nonsense talked about bad men not looking you in the face. Don’t trust that conventional idea. Dishonesty will stare honesty out of countenance any day in the week, if there is anything to be got by it.
  643. Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.
  644. He would make a lovely corpse.
  645. He had but one eye and the pocket of prejudice runs in favor of two.
  646. Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
  647. Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
  648. Great men are seldom over-scrupulous in the arrangement of their attire.
  649. Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship; and pass the rosy wine.
  650. Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.
  651. Dignity, and even holiness too, sometimes, are more questions of coat and waistcoat than some people imagine.
  652. Credit is a system whereby a person who can not pay gets another person who can not pay to guarantee that he can pay.
  653. Cows are my passion. What I have ever sighed for has been to retreat to a Swiss farm, and live entirely surrounded by cows – and china.
  654. Christmas time! That man must be a misanthrope indeed, in whose breast something like a jovial feeling is not roused – in whose mind some pleasant associations are not awakened – by the recurrence of Christmas.
  655. Charity begins at home, and justice begins next door.
  656. Bring in the bottled lightning, a clean tumbler, and a corkscrew.
  657. Anything for the quick life, as the man said when he took the situation at the lighthouse.
  658. Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he’s well dressed. There ain’t much credit in that.
  659. An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.
  660. Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
  661. A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.
  662. A person who can’t pay gets another person who can’t pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don’t make either of them able to do a walking-match.
  663. A loving heart is the truest wisdom.
  664. A day wasted on others is not wasted on one’s self.
  665. A boy’s story is the best that is ever told.
  666. ‘Tis love that makes the world go round, my baby.
  667. ‘Do you spell it with a ‘V’ or a ‘W’?’ inquired the judge. ‘That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, my Lord’.
  668. You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.
  669. Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.
  670. Try not to have a good time… this is supposed to be educational.
  671. There’s a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.
  672. There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.
  673. The way I see it, it doesn’t matter what you believe just so you’re sincere.
  674. That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another.
  675. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’
  676. Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
  677. Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
  678. No problem is too big to run away from.
  679. No problem is so formidable that you can’t walk away from it.
  680. My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
  681. Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
  682. Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
  683. Jogging is very beneficial. It’s good for your legs and your feet. It’s also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed.
  684. It doesn’t matter what you believe just so long as you’re sincere.
  685. If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
  686. I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
  687. I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.
  688. I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
  689. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
  690. Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is.
  691. Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
  692. Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.
  693. Aunt Marion was right… Never marry a musician, and never answer the door.
  694. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
  695. A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.
  696. You and I are, by birth, by nature, and by choice, inwardly depraved, which is to say that we are entirely corrupt. That’s not to say that we have no good in us; we do. However, anything good in us has been tainted with evil. It touches everything. Without the redeeming power of Christ we cannot halt our own moral slide.
  697. Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitudes toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.
  698. While I was raised around churches and had gotten to know a few preachers fairly well, the thought never entered my head that I would one day stand and deliver. Not only was I not interested, I lived with a major struggle: I stuttered.
  699. When you have vision it affects your attitude. Your attitude is optimistic rather than pessimistic.
  700. When you have a sense of calling, whether it’s to be a musician, soloist, artist, in one of the technical fields, or a plumber, there is something deep and enriching when you realize it isn’t just a casual choice, it’s a divine calling. It’s not limited to vocational Christian service by any means.
  701. When you are giving people the gospel, you are giving them something to believe, and you have to set the stage for that. You don’t just drive up and dump the truck and drive off.
  702. When a church is spending more of its budget on media than shepherding, something is out of whack. We have gotten things twisted around.
  703. When I think of vision, I have in mind the ability to see above and beyond the majority.
  704. We want a crowd to make us feel important and liked. But why is getting a crowd our focus? Jesus never suggested that crowds were the goal. He never addresses getting your church to grow. Never.
  705. We need discernment in what we see and what we hear and what we believe.
  706. We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
  707. We can’t solve modern problems by going back in time. Retreating to the safety of the familiar is an understandable response, but God has called us to a life of faith. And faith requires us to face the unknown while trusting Him completely.
  708. We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.
  709. There is plenty of television. There are plenty of talk shows. There are plenty of comedians. But there is not plenty of worship of the true and living God.
  710. There is nothing more fearful for the average person in our society than to stand before a group of people and speak.
  711. The world has changed and it’s going to keep changing, but God never changes; so we are safe when we cling to Him.
  712. The wonderful thing about God is he knows what we need to persuade us.
  713. The swift wind of compromise is a lot more devastating than the sudden jolt of misfortune.
  714. The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it’s a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free.
  715. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
  716. The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail.
  717. Sometimes I wake up before dawn, and I love sitting up in the middle of the bed with all the lights off, pitch-black dark, and talking to the Father, with no interruptions and nothing that reminds me that there’s anything in life but me and Him.
  718. Prejudice is a learned trait. You’re not born prejudiced; you’re taught it.
  719. One of the worst things you can give to your people is someone you’re not.
  720. One of my great goals in life is to live long enough to where I am in the pulpit, preaching my heart out, and I die on the spot, my chin hits the pulpit – boom! – and I’m down and out. What a way to die!
  721. Nothing is more bothersome to me than retiring. Weird things happen when you disengage; first you get negative, then you start telling people about your latest surgeries, and eventually you lose touch. I want to stay in touch.
  722. Not every Christian finds it easy to believe.
  723. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
  724. It’s the most exciting thing to watch God work when I’ve asked him about something, to listen to him and watch him work. It’s like this friendship, and it just grows and grows and grows and grows.
  725. It is easy for Christians to have the false impression that once we have established a relationship with Christ, which we believe sets us right with God, the problems of life will somehow scoot away or they will slowly be removed from our lives.
  726. If I ever wrote a book on preaching, it would contain three words: Preach the Word. Get rid of all the other stuff that gets you sidetracked; preach the Word.
  727. I’m not against screens, or new songs, or innovation. I just don’t like the gimmicks. I want to know when worship is over that that leader’s sole purpose was to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ.
  728. I’m here today to warn you: I want you to watch out for the adversary. Guard yourself from any spirit of entitlement. Restrain any and all subtle temptation to gain attention or to find ways to promote yourself.
  729. I want to preach till the last breath in my lungs runs out.
  730. I think it is important to begin with a statement in your speech that grabs the attention of the audience. I try to make my opening line 15 words or less.
  731. I let people see the cracks in my life. We can’t be phony. We’ve got to keep it real.
  732. I know of nothing more valuable, when it comes to the all-important virtue of authenticity, than simply being who you are.
  733. I have no interest in returning to yesteryear. I love the conveniences and delights of today’s time. I wouldn’t go back if I could.
  734. I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.
  735. I believe firmly in God’s control in life.
  736. I am often the brunt of my own humor.
  737. I am a preacher. I’m involved in many other things, but, mainly, I preach. And I love it!
  738. Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
  739. Because God gave you your makeup and superintended every moment of your past, including all the hardship, pain, and struggles, He wants to use your words in a unique manner. No one else can speak through your vocal cords, and, equally important, no one else has your story.
  740. Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
  741. As far back as I can remember, my mother would have me down by the bed at night with her, praying. I can still hear her voice calling my name to God and telling him that she wanted me to follow him in whatever he called me to do.
  742. Alleged ‘impossibilities’ are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched.
  743. A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven.
  744. A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.
  745. ‘We really shouldn’t look like a church.’ I’ve heard that so much I want to vomit. ‘Why?’ I ask. ‘Do you want your bank to look like a bank? Do you want your doctor’s office to look like a doctor’s office, or would you prefer your doctor to dress like a clown?’
  746. Young men, trust God, and make the future bright with blessing. Old men, trust God, and magnify him for all the mercies of the past.
  747. You will never exaggerate when you speak good things of God. It is not possible to do so. Try, dear brethren, and boast in the Lord.
  748. You might not always get what you want, but you always get what you expect.
  749. You cannot make a sinner into a saint by killing him. He who does not live as a saint here will never live as a saint hereafter.
  750. You and I, the people of God, have permission to come before the throne of Heaven at any time we will, and we are encouraged to come there with great boldness.
  751. Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.
  752. When we tell the story of our own conversion, I would have it done with great sorrow, remembering what we used to be, and with great joy and gratitude, remembering how little we deserve these things.
  753. What if others suffer shipwreck, yet none that sail with Jesus have ever been stranded yet.
  754. What an encouraging thought that Jesus – our beloved Husband – can find comfort in our lowly feeble gifts! Can this be, for it seems far too good to be true? May we then be willing to endure trials or even death itself if through these hardships we are assisted in bringing gladness to Immanuel’s heart.
  755. We object not to the narration of the deeds of our unregenerate condition, but to the mode in which it is too often done. Let sin have its monument, but let it be a heap of stones cast by the hands of execration – not a mausoleum erected by the hands of affection.
  756. We have lived long enough to experience the hollowness of earth and the rottenness of all carnal promises.
  757. We have communion with Christ in His thoughts, views, and purposes; for His thoughts are our thoughts according to our capacity and sanctity. Believers take the same view of matters as Jesus does; that which pleases Him pleases them, and that which grieves His grieves them also.
  758. We have come to a turning point in the road. If we turn to the right mayhap our children and our children’s children will go that way; but if we turn to the left, generations yet unborn will curse our names for having been unfaithful to God and to His Word.
  759. We do not wish to enter Heaven until our work is done, for it would make us uneasy if there were one single soul left to be saved by our means.
  760. We do not pray to God to instruct Him as to what He should do; neither for a moment must we presume to dictate the method of the divine working.
  761. We cannot have communion with Christ till we are in union with Him; and we cannot have communion with the Church till we are in vital union with it.
  762. We are in a wrong state of mind if we are not in a thankful state of mind.
  763. We are all at times unconscious prophets.
  764. True prayer is neither a mere mental exercise nor a vocal performance. It is far deeper than that – it is spiritual transaction with the Creator of Heaven and Earth.
  765. Trials teach us what we are; they dig up the soil, and let us see what we are made of.
  766. To feel not only submitted but willing to be anything or nothing as the Lord wills it – this is, in truth, to sing a song to our Well Beloved.
  767. To every soul that knows how to pray, to every soul that by faith comes to Jesus, the true mercy seat, divine sovereignty wears no dark and terrible aspect but is full of love.
  768. To despise no opportunity of usefulness is a leading rule with those who are wise to win souls.
  769. Time was when they that feared the Lord spake often to one another; I am afraid that now they more often speak one against another.
  770. This thing comes to me, not by the hearing of the ear, but by my own personal experience: I know of a surety that Jesus manifests Himself unto His people as He doth not unto the world.
  771. Think of what you are, you Christians. You are God’s children; you are joint heirs with Christ. The ‘many mansions’ are for you; the palms and harps of the glorified are for you. You have a share in all that Christ has and is and shall be.
  772. Think not that humility is weakness; it shall supply the marrow of strength to thy bones. Stoop and conquer; bow thyself and become invincible.
  773. There is such a thing as ‘thanks-feeling’ – feeling thankful. This ought to be the general, universal spirit of the Christian.
  774. There is no injustice in the grace of God. God is as just when He forgives a believer as when He casts a sinner into hell.
  775. There is a power in God’s gospel beyond all description.
  776. There are some people who need to wear a label round their necks to show that they are Christians at all, or else we might mistake them for sinners, their actions are so like those of the ungodly.
  777. There are some Christian people who taste and see and enjoy religion in their own souls, and who get at a deeper knowledge of it than books can ever give them, though they should search all their days.
  778. There are many men who are forgotten, who are despised, and who are trampled on by their fellows, but there never was a man who was so despised as the everlasting God has been!
  779. The wounds of calumny, the reproaches of the proud, the venom of the bigoted, the treachery of the false, and the weakness of the true, we have known in our measure; and therein have had communion with our Lord Jesus.
  780. The three most powerful and most apparent means used by Rome to retain her power over the minds of her votaries are Ignorance, Superstition, and Persecution.
  781. The roaring thunder of the law and the fear of the terror of judgment are both used to bring us to Christ, but the final victory culminating in our salvation is won through God’s loving-kindness.
  782. The revealed Word awakened me, but it was the preached Word that saved me, and I must ever attach peculiar value to the hearing of the truth, for by it I received the joy and peace in which my soul delights.
  783. The greatest enemy to human souls is the self-righteous spirit which makes men look to themselves for salvation.
  784. The goose that lays the golden eggs likes to lay where there are eggs already.
  785. The first fresh hour of every morning should be dedicated to the Lord, whose mercy gladdens it with golden light.
  786. The exercise of benevolence is joy to loving hearts: the more pain it costs, the more joy it is. Kind actions make us happy, and in such joy we find communion with the great heart of Jesus.
  787. The astronomer will believe that the most erratic comet will yet accomplish its journey and revisit our sphere; but we give up those for lost who have not wandered one-half the distance from the centre of light and life.
  788. The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction.
  789. Sometimes, if you begin to sing in a halfhearted mood, you can sing yourself up the ladder. Singing will often make the heart rise.
  790. Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite.
  791. Saving faith is an immediate relation to Christ, accepting, receiving, resting upon Him alone, for justification, sanctification, and eternal life by virtue of God’s grace.
  792. Revenge, lust, ambition, pride, and self-will are too often exalted as the gods of man’s idolatry; while holiness, peace, contentment, and humility are viewed as unworthy of a serious thought.
  793. Purposes, plans, and achievements of men may all disappear like yon cloud upon the mountain’s summit; but, like the mountain itself, the things which are of God shall stand fast for ever and ever.
  794. One word from the Lord is like a piece of gold to a believer, who is like a jeweler, shaping and hammering out the promise for a number of weeks.
  795. Oh, this base heart of ours! Hath it not enough tinder in it to set on fire the course of nature? If a spark do but fall into it, any one of our members left to itself would dishonour Christ, deny the Lord that bought us, and turn back into perdition.
  796. Oh, hour of forgiven sin, moment of perfect pardon, our soul shall never forget you while, within you, life and being find immortality!
  797. Oh, come, Divine Physician, and bind up every broken bone. Come with Thy sacred nard which Thou hast compounded of Thine own heart’s blood, and lay it home to the wounded conscience and let it feel its power. Oh! Give peace to those whose conscience is like the troubled sea which cannot rest.
  798. Of two evils, choose neither.
  799. Occasionally, some brother sings very earnestly through his nose, often disturbing those around him, but it does not matter how the voice sounds to the ears of man. What is important is how the heart sounds to the ears of God.
  800. O, Thou precious Lord Jesus Christ, we do adore Thee with all our hearts. Thou art Lord of all.
  801. O God, we praise Thee for keeping us till this day, and for the full assurance that Thou wilt never let us go.
  802. Now I will say this to every sinner, though he should think himself to be the worst sinner who ever lived: cry to the Lord and seek Him while He may be found. A throne of grace is a place fitted for you. By simple faith, go to your Savior, for He is the throne of grace.
  803. Nothing reflects so much honor on a workman as a trial of his work and its endurance of it. So it is with God. It honors Him when His saints preserve their integrity.
  804. None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
  805. No one knows who is listening, say nothing you would not wish put in the newspapers.
  806. No one is so miserable as the poor person who maintains the appearance of wealth.
  807. My grandfather once ventured upon publishing a volume of hymns. I never heard anyone speak in their favour or argue that they ought to have been sung in the congregation. In that volume, he promised a second if the first should prove acceptable. We forgive him the first collection because he did not inflict another.
  808. My evidence that I am saved does not lie in the fact that I preach, or that I do this or that. All my hope lies in this: that Jesus Christ came to save sinners. I am a sinner, I trust Him, then He came to save me, and I am saved.
  809. Must is a hard nut to crack, but it has a sweet kernel.
  810. Men know not the gold which lies in the mine of Christ Jesus, or surely they would dig in it night and day. They have not yet discovered the pearl of great price, or they would have sold their all to buy the field wherein it lies.
  811. May we have communion with God in the secret of our hearts, and find Him to be to us as a little sanctuary.
  812. May we do good everywhere as we have opportunity, and results will not be wanting!
  813. Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.
  814. Lord sanctify us. Oh! That Thy spirit might come and saturate every faculty, subdue every passion, and use every power of our nature for obedience to God.
  815. Lord keep us all from sin. Teach us how to walk circumspectly; enable us to guard our minds against error of doctrine, our hearts against wrong feelings, and our lives against evil actions.
  816. Lord Jesus, we come just as we are; this is how we came at first, and this is how we come still, with all our failures, with all our transgressions, with all and everything that is what it ought not to be, we come to Thee.
  817. Living animals are too eccentric in their movements, and the law of gravitation usually draws me from my seat upon them to a lower level; therefore, I am not an inveterate lover of horseback.
  818. Let not a libation of tears be the only offering at the shrine of Jesus; let us also rejoice with joy unspeakable. If we have need to lament our sin, how much more to rejoice at our pardon!
  819. Let it be our delight to find our society in the circle of which Jesus is the center, and let us make those our friends who are the friends of Jesus.
  820. Knowing that the time to sleep has come, the Lord sleeps, and does well in sleeping. Often, when we have been fretting and worrying, we should have glorified God far more had we literally gone to sleep.
  821. It is not well to make great changes in old age.
  822. It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.
  823. It is a most delightful reflection that if I come to the throne of God in prayer, I may feel a thousand defects, but yet there is hope. I usually feel more dissatisfied with my prayers than with anything else I do.
  824. In the same way the sun never grows weary of shining, nor a stream of flowing, it is God’s nature to keep His promises. Therefore, go immediately to His throne and say, ‘Do as You promised.’
  825. In spiritual things, it is God who performs all things for you. Rest in Him, then.
  826. In prayer, we stand where angels bow with veiled faces. There, even there, the cherubim and seraphim adore before that selfsame throne to which our prayers ascend. And shall we come there with stunted requests and narrow, contracted faith?
  827. If you believe in prayer at all, expect God to hear you. If you do not expect, you will not have. God will not hear you unless you believe He will hear you; but if you believe He will, He will be as good as your faith.
  828. If in prayer I come before a throne of grace, the faults of my prayer will be overlooked.
  829. If any of you should ask me for an epitome of the Christian religion, I should say that it is in one word – prayer. Live and die without prayer, and you will pray long enough when you get to hell.
  830. If I were a Roman Catholic, I should turn a heretic, in sheer desperation, because I would rather go to heaven than go to purgatory.
  831. If Christ has died for me, ungodly as I am, without strength as I am, then I cannot live in sin any longer, but must arouse myself to love and serve Him who has redeemed me.
  832. I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary.
  833. I think that is a better thing than thanksgiving: thanks-living. How is this to be done? By a general cheerfulness of manner, by an obedience to the command of Him by whose mercy we live, by a perpetual, constant delighting of ourselves in the Lord, and by a submission of our desires to His will.
  834. I tell you the groans of the damned in hell are the deep bass of the universal anthem of praise that shall ascend to the throne of my God for ever and ever.
  835. I groan daily under a body of sin and corruption. Oh for the time when I shall drop this flesh, and be free from sin!
  836. I glory in the distinguishing grace of God and will not, by the grace of God, step one inch from my principles or think of adhering to the present fashionable sort of religion.
  837. I fear that many a man’s good resolutions only need the ordinary fire of daily life to make them melt away. So, too, with fine professions and the boastings of perfection which abound in this age of shams.
  838. I do think that a minister who can preach a sermon without addressing sinners does not know how to preach.
  839. I do not think I should care to go on worshipping a Madonna even if she did wink. One cannot make much out of a wink. We want something more than that from the object of our adoration.
  840. I do not doubt that we would become more useful if we praised God more, and others would join us, for they would see that God has blessed us.
  841. I desire to press forward for direction to my Master in all things; but as to trusting to my own obedience and righteousness, I should be worse than a fool and ten times worse than a madman.
  842. I believe that some of us who were kept by God a long while before we found Him love Him better perhaps than we should have done if we had received Him directly, and we can preach better to others – we can speak more of His loving-kindness and tender mercy.
  843. I believe that nothing happens apart from divine determination and decree. We shall never be able to escape from the doctrine of divine predestination – the doctrine that God has foreordained certain people unto eternal life.
  844. Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.
  845. However weak we are, however poor, however little our faith, or however small our grace may be, our names are still written on His heart; nor shall we lose our share in Jesus’ love.
  846. However great may be the work for which we are responsible, we will always do well if we pause to spend time in sacred praise.
  847. How sweet it is to learn the Savior’s love when nobody else loves us! When friends flee, what a blessed thing it is to see that the Savior does not forsake us but still keeps us and holds us fast and clings to us and will not let us go!
  848. He who has felt his own ruin will not imagine the case of any to be hopeless; nor will he think them too fallen to be worthy his regard.
  849. He incurs a fearful amount of guilt who in the least promotes the aim of the Evil One by trampling upon a tender conscience in a child.
  850. Have we been going up and down in business, and are those round about us as yet unaware of our Christian character? Have we never spoken to them the Word of Life? Lord, arouse us to a deep concern for all with whom we come in contact from day to day.
  851. Has Jesus saved me? I dare not speak with any hesitation here; I know He has. His Word is true; therefore, I am saved.
  852. Grow in the root of all grace, which is faith. Believe God’s promises more firmly than ever. Allow your faith to increase in its fullness, firmness, and simplicity.
  853. Giving is true having.
  854. Free will carried many a soul to hell, but never a soul to heaven.
  855. Fill the earth with your songs of gratitude.
  856. Few men would dare to read their own autobiography if all their deeds were recorded in it; few can look back upon their entire career without a blush.
  857. Do you not realize that the love the Father bestowed on the perfect Christ He now bestows on you?
  858. Do I live as carelessly and worldly as unbelievers while professing to be a follower of Jesus? If so, I am exposing Christianity to ridicule and leading people to speak evil of the holy name by which I am called.
  859. Dear friends, we may well sing to our Beloved when it is near the time of our departure. It draws near, and as it approaches, we must not dread it, but rather thank God for it.
  860. Conversion is a change of masters. Will we not do as much for our new master, the Lord Jesus, as we did once for our old tyrant lusts?
  861. Cast away your sloth, your lethargy, your coldness, or whatever interferes with your chaste and pure love for Christ, your soul’s husband. Make Him the source, the center, and the circumference of all your soul’s range of delight.
  862. By perseverance the snail reached the ark.
  863. Beware of no man more than of yourself; we carry our worst enemies within us.
  864. Behold, at this hour our moral history is being preserved for eternity. Processes are at work which will perpetuate our every act and word and thought.
  865. As for our great King, when we venture into His presence, let us have a purpose there. Let us beware of playing at praying; it is insolence toward God.
  866. As a child, when asked what I would be, I usually said I was going to be a huntsman. A fine profession, truly!
  867. Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
  868. All the goodness I have within me is totally from the Lord alone. When I sin, it is from me and is done on my own, but when I act righteously, it is wholly and completely of God.
  869. All our actions, as well as our thoughts and words, should praise Him who always blesses us.
  870. Alas! You complain that your soul is out of tune. Then ask the Master to tune the heart-strings.
  871. After many years of great mercy, after tasting of the powers of the world to come, we still are so weak, so foolish; but, oh! when we get away from self to God, there all is truth and purity and holiness, and our heart finds peace, wisdom, completeness, delight, joy, victory.
  872. A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy as an old shoe are generally of little worth.
  873. A sinner can no more repent and believe without the Holy Spirit’s aid than he can create a world.
  874. A man will speedily sit down and sympathize with a friend’s griefs, but if he sees him honored and esteemed, he is apt to regard him as a rival and does not so readily rejoice with him. This ought not to be; without effort, we ought to be happy in our brother’s happiness.
  875. A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
  876. A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.
  877. A dark cloud is no sign that the sun has lost his light; and dark black convictions are no arguments that God has laid aside His mercy.
  878. A daily portion is really all we need. We do not need tomorrow’s supply, for that day has not yet dawned, and its needs are still unborn.
  879. ‘You are no saint,’ says the devil. Well, if I am not, I am a sinner, and Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. Sink or swim, I go to Him; other hope, I have none.
  880. What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.
  881. We should weep for men at their birth, not at their death.
  882. We must have constantly present in our minds the difference between independence and liberty. Liberty is a right of doing whatever the laws permit, and if a citizen could do what they forbid he would no longer be possessed of liberty.
  883. Useless laws weaken the necessary laws.
  884. To love to read is to exchange hours of ennui for hours of delight.
  885. To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.
  886. There should be weeping at a man’s birth, not at his death.
  887. There is no one, says another, whom fortune does not visit once in his life; but when she does not find him ready to receive her, she walks in at the door, and flies out at the window.
  888. There is no nation so powerful, as the one that obeys its laws not from principals of fear or reason, but from passion.
  889. There is no crueler tyranny than that which is perpetuated under the shield of law and in the name of justice.
  890. The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy.
  891. The sublimity of administration consists in knowing the proper degree of power that should be exerted on different occasions.
  892. The spirit of moderation should also be the spirit of the lawgiver.
  893. The severity of the laws prevents their execution.
  894. The reason the Romans built their great paved highways was because they had such inconvenient footwear.
  895. The less men think, the more they talk.
  896. Talent is a gift which God has given us secretly, and which we reveal without perceiving it.
  897. Success in the majority of circumstances depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed.
  898. Peace is a natural effect of trade.
  899. No kingdom has shed more blood than the kingdom of Christ.
  900. Men should be bewailed at their birth, and not at their death.
  901. Luxury ruins republics; poverty, monarchies.
  902. Lunch kills half of Paris, supper the other half.
  903. Liberty is the right to do what the law permits.
  904. Laws undertake to punish only overt acts.
  905. It is not the young people that degenerate; they are not spoiled till those of mature age are already sunk into corruption.
  906. It is always the adventurers who do great things, not the sovereigns of great empires.
  907. In the infancy of societies, the chiefs of state shape its institutions; later the institutions shape the chiefs of state.
  908. In most things success depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed.
  909. If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, and that is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.
  910. If triangles had a god, they would give him three sides.
  911. If the triangles made a god, they would give him three sides.
  912. I have never known any distress that an hour’s reading did not relieve.
  913. I have always observed that to succeed in the world one should seem a fool, but be wise.
  914. Friendship is an arrangement by which we undertake to exchange small favors for big ones.
  915. False happiness renders men stern and proud, and that happiness is never communicated. True happiness renders them kind and sensible, and that happiness is always shared.
  916. Countries are well cultivated, not as they are fertile, but as they are free.
  917. Author: A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on tormenting generations to come.
  918. An empire founded by war has to maintain itself by war.
  919. An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
  920. A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century.
  921. Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is ‘elephant’.
  922. Why should poetry have to make sense?
  923. What do you want a meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning.
  924. We think too much and feel too little.
  925. We might as well die as to go on living like this.
  926. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery.
  927. To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!
  928. To help a friend in need is easy, but to give him your time is not always opportune.
  929. This is a ruthless world and one must be ruthless to cope with it.
  930. The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.
  931. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
  932. The glamour of it all! New York! America!
  933. That is why, no matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I have just landed on my head.
  934. Remember, you can always stoop and pick up nothing.
  935. Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural.
  936. Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles.
  937. Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.
  938. Man as an individual is a genius. But men in the mass form the headless monster, a great, brutish idiot that goes where prodded.
  939. Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.
  940. Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone.
  941. Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.
  942. In the end, everything is a gag.
  943. I’d sooner be called a successful crook than a destitute monarch.
  944. I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can’t help it. It’s the truth.
  945. I thought I would dress in baggy pants, big shoes, a cane and a derby hat. everything a contradiction: the pants baggy, the coat tight, the hat small and the shoes large.
  946. I suppose that’s one of the ironies of life doing the wrong thing at the right moment.
  947. I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
  948. I have no further use for America. I wouldn’t go back there if Jesus Christ was President.
  949. I had no idea of the character. But the moment I was dressed, the clothes and the make-up made me feel the person he was. I began to know him, and by the time I walked onto the stage he was fully born.
  950. I don’t believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that I have drawn from my career.
  951. I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it has fulfilled its purpose.
  952. I am for people. I can’t help it.
  953. I am at peace with God. My conflict is with Man.
  954. Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.
  955. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people.
  956. Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into indifference.
  957. All my pictures are built around the idea of getting in trouble and so giving me the chance to be desperately serious in my attempt to appear as a normal little gentleman.
  958. All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
  959. Actors search for rejection. If they don’t get it they reject themselves.
  960. A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.
  961. A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.
  962. A day without laughter is a day wasted.
  963. Gurukula Kangri Vishwavidyalaya (GKV) Haridwar Uttarakhand Notifications
  964. Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University (GGSIPU) Notifications
  965. Tomorrow morning before we depart, I intend to land and see what can be found in the neighborhood.
  966. These people are very unskilled in arms… with 50 men they could all be subjected and made to do all that one wished.
  967. There are trees of a thousand sorts, and all have their several fruits; and I feel the most unhappy man in the world not to know them, for I am well assured that they are all valuable. I bring home specimens of them, and also of the land.
  968. Their houses are all built in the shape of tents, with very high chimneys.
  969. The air soft as that of Seville in April, and so fragrant that it was delicious to breathe it.
  970. The Indians on board said that thence to Cuba was a voyage in their canoes of a day and a half; these being small dug-outs without a sail. Such are their canoes. I departed thence for Cuba, for by the signs the Indians made of its greatness, and of its gold and pearls, I thought that it must be Cipango.
  971. Stood off and on during the night, determining not to come to anchor till morning, fearing to meet with shoals; continued our course in the morning; and as the island was found to be six or seven leagues distant, and the tide was against us, it was noon when we arrived there.
  972. Sailed this day nineteen leagues, and determined to count less than the true number, that the crew might not be dismayed if the voyage should prove long.
  973. Riches don’t make a man rich, they only make him busier.
  974. No one should fear to undertake any task in the name of our Saviour, if it is just and if the intention is purely for His holy service.
  975. My desire was not to pass any island without taking possession, so that, one having been taken, the same may be said of all.
  976. I saw a boy of the crew purchasing javelins of them with bits of platters and broken glass.
  977. I propose to construct a new chart for navigating, on which I shall delineate all the sea and lands of the Ocean in their proper positions under their bearings; and further, I propose to prepare a book, and to put down all as it were in a picture, by latitude from the equator, and western longitude.
  978. I ordered each man to be presented with something, as strings of ten or a dozen glass beads apiece, and thongs of leather, all which they estimated highly; those which came on board I directed should be fed with molasses.
  979. I have come to believe that this is a mighty continent which was hitherto unknown.
  980. I found that part of it towards San Salvador extending from north to south five leagues, and the other side which we coasted along, ran from east to west more than ten leagues.
  981. I believe that there are many herbs and many trees that are worth much in Europe for dyes and for medicines; but I do not know, and this causes me great sorrow. Arriving at this cape, I found the smell of the trees and flowers so delicious that it seemed the pleasantest thing in the world.
  982. I am not solicitous to examine particularly everything here, which indeed could not be done in fifty years, because my desire is to make all possible discoveries, and return to your Highnesses, if it please our Lord, in April.
  983. I am a most noteworthy sinner, but I have cried out to the Lord for grace and mercy, and they have covered me completely. I have found the sweetest consolation since I made it my whole purpose to enjoy His marvellous Presence.
  984. Gold is a treasure, and he who possesses it does all he wishes to in this world, and succeeds in helping souls into paradise.
  985. For this purpose I determined to keep an account of the voyage, and to write down punctually every thing we performed or saw from day to day, as will hereafter appear.
  986. For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps.
  987. Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World.
  988. Each day we understand better what the Indians say, and they us, so that very often we are intelligible to each other.
  989. By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
  990. But in truth, should I meet with gold or spices in great quantity, I shall remain till I collect as much as possible, and for this purpose I am proceeding solely in quest of them.
  991. As soon as I arrived in the Indies, in the first island which I found, I took some of the natives by force, in order that they might learn and might give me information of whatever there is in these parts. And so it was that they soon understood us, and we them, either by speech or by signs, and they have been very serviceable.
  992. After having dispatched a meal, I went ashore, and found no habitation save a single house, and that without an occupant; we had no doubt that the people had fled in terror at our approach, as the house was completely furnished.
  993. You notice how liberals keep saying, ‘If only Islam would have a Reformation’ – it can’t have one. It says it can’t. It’s extremely dangerous in that way.
  994. You know, you can make a small mistake in language or etiquette in Britain, or you could when I was younger, and really be made to feel it, and it’s the flick of a lash, but it would sting, and especially at school where there’s not much privacy, and so on. You could, yes, undoubtedly be made to feel crushed.
  995. You can only have one aim per debate.
  996. You can be a Polish American, or an Arab American, or a Greek American but you can’t be English American. Why not?
  997. Yes, I, well, when I write, as often as I can, I try to write as if I’m talking to people. It doesn’t always work, and one shouldn’t always try it, but I try and write as if I am talking, and trying to engage the reader in conversation.
  998. When you hear people demanding that the Ten Commandments be displayed in courtrooms and schoolrooms, always be sure to ask which set. It works every time.
  999. When we talk about mortality, we are talking about our children.
  1000. When I meet people who say – which they do all of the time – ‘I must just tell you, my great aunt had cancer of the elbow and the doctors gave her 10 seconds to live, but last I heard she was climbing Mount Everest,’ and so forth, I switch off quite early.