“Do you know how many companies have wanted me to do an energy drink for them because I named my book ‘Crush It!’? It might be fun one day, but right now I think it would undermine the personal brand I’ve built.”
“I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I’ve been thrown out of so many.”
“In ’57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.”
“In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.”
“You know, I was once named Minor League Player of the Year… unfortunately, I had been in the majors for two years at the time.”
“If you’re looking for the safe choice, you shouldn’t be supporting a black guy named Barack Obama to be the next leader of the free world.”
“I have a Maltipoo named Blondie. She is so cute!”
“My godfather was a man named Justin Dart. Some of you may remember Justin Dart. My younger son’s name is Justin, named after Justin Dart. I was executor of his estate, and he was my godfather. I first really got time to spend with Ronald Reagan with Justin Dart personally, one-on-one.”
“Accompanied by an Australian photographer named Nigel Brennan, I’d gone to Somalia to work as a freelance journalist, on a trip that was meant to last only ten days.”
“Stand-ups are always good to see on YouTube. There’s a guy named Mike Head who lives in Cleveland. He’s great. He’s an African-American stand-up.”